


If It Means A Lot To You

by FawnShop



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, F/M, Highschool AU, Violence, school shooting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 02:05:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1922586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FawnShop/pseuds/FawnShop





	If It Means A Lot To You

Hey Darling  
\---

Eridan awoke to greet the morning with the same despondency one would have had they awoken beside a stranger. The sun that peered in through his severed blinds did not trigger recognition nor did he welcome it amidst the unchanging scenery that felt all too unfamiliar. As he yawned, he wondered if the situation was as curious as he imagined it to be, and as he splashed his face with the marble sink’s waters, he questioned the perplexity of the ordeal. Something was off and as cliched as it was, he could not quite place his finger on it. 

He had hardly allowed his foot to press against the cool tile of the kitchen when civilization’s briefest confrontation began. 

“Eridan,” His father’s voice was gruff. “You’re late.” The eldest Ampora was perched across the room, his face buried inside the creases of a newspaper. “You’ll miss the bus.” His words were stately and matter-of-fact, as they always were. This terseness, Eridan felt, was familiar. 

“I’m going,” came the schoolboy’s murmured reply. He felt his words had fallen on deaf ears, but perhaps he simply wasn’t speaking loudly enough. Either way, he had dealt with his father for the day and was relatively glad to be getting out of the house. As he left, fresh air flooded his nostrils, mixing with seasalt in a manner that convinced him the atmosphere was a professional bartender, throwing together perfect blends of intoxicating fragrances. In past mornings, he’d walked alongside a girl and discussed the very idea. Today, he walked alone with heavy footing.

The bus stop wasn’t far, but to get there required a bit of a climb. The saltwater river that cut through the backyards of the townspeople had necessitated the building of an elevated city, as to avoid flooding. As Eridan climbed, he considered life without the river. Its constant noise and seemingly magnetic pull on children created a need for near-daily Asprin doses, but it provided permanency and simplicity in an ever-changing world.

Change. Something about the word reminded him of the curiosity of his morning’s routine. “There once was a girl,” he mouthed. He had reached the bus stop and was standing alone in the bright of day. “A girl,” This time he spoke audibly, albeit quietly. As he waited, with clouds drifting in unidentified shapes overhead, the girl from memory made her way towards the stop. Her hair bounced with shiny curls, a wonderfully natural result from living on a riverbank. She was a gorgeous thing and Eridan had to consciously keep his mouth shut about it. On the surface, he appeared transfixed by her beauty and by her radiating positivity. Deeper, there was sadness. Sadness and rage.

She chose to stand beside him. “Good morning Eridan,” she said, a cough rising and falling in her throat all at once. A breeze blew through them, ruffling their hair and carrying away the conversation. She tried again. “It’s lovely out today.” Eridan’s eyes showed registry of her words, but he turned his head and shifted his gaze.

The girl pursed her lips before speaking. “I don’t suppose you’re acting all hurt because of me, are you?” Until now, her questions had been off-target. This persistence, however, triggered reply. 

“I’m not hurt, Fef,” he grunted, tapping the hinge on his glasses. “It’s called anger. Big difference.” He fell silent once more. Feferi scratched her forehead but said no more. It was best to leave him be. Their fallout was not mendable at this point, she acknowledged that. The two shared nothing more than wounded glances for the following minute.

The bus came and went in seconds. 

\---

Through Everything

\---

The world, despite its vastness, seemed small from within the confines of the school. Outside, pastel birds fluttered and green trees swayed as the rush of the river echoed across an empty turf expanse. Inside, however, color existed sparingly, with only a stripe of gray and a dab of yellow in each classroom to act as a mediocre offering of campus pride. Eridan, whose mind had wandered far from the lesson at hand, was slumped in a heap of apathy in the back of the room. His head ached as he recalled the morning’s event.  
             
The incident was so insignificant, he mused, rolling a stray pencil from the desk. She doesn’t care; I doubt she even remembers it happened. The pencil dropped to the floor, clicking against the discolored linoleum. The ringing of the dismissal bell brought his mind back into focus.

After piling book upon book into his bag, Eridan made his way out of the building. The seven hours he’d spent there had done nothing but increase his hatred for the low-class schoolmates he’d been forced to associate with. A resentfulness for the entirety of the student body ran deep within him and he spent the majority of his class time imagining their demise. Besides, Eridan was a smart boy, one who didn’t need much instruction in order to learn and get things done. School was nothing more to him than an unwanted duty. 

“Hey Eridan!” The voice was shrill and a bit lispy, albeit familiar. He was only a few steps from freedom, an exit presented itself open and ready to liberate. “C’mon Eridan! Where ya goin’?” 

He stopped and turned around to greet Nepeta with a sullen face. “Home.” She cocked her head, brow furrowed. Eridan’s chest heaved and he sighed out, “I’m going home.”

She nodded, now in understanding. “Can I come with? We hardly see each other anymore and I think it’d be fun. Or do ya wanna be all sad and mopey and-” Nepeta pursed her lips dramatically. “Pouty.” 

“I don’t have time for this nonsensical bullshit, Nep.” he muttered, shoving past the small girl and into the bright daylight. 

“But Eridan! You’re hardly ever around, ‘cept at school! We could go out to the mall or back to my house or somethin’!” She paused and grunted as Eridan continued to trudge away further from the school. “Is this all ‘cause of that whole Feferi thing?”

This time, Eridan halted. His eye twitched, hands balling into fists. “Fef is dead to me,” he snarled. “You know that. I don’t care about her and I’m not hurt. She pissed me off and that Sollux guy didn’t help. He’s a fucker, they’re both dead to me.” Eridan felt tears against his cheek and a sickness rose in his stomach as he noticed a group of students staring at his hysterics. 

“E-Eridan,” Nepeta stammered, taken aback by the outburst. “I didn’t mean to offend, really, you’re my friend and I was just wondering!” She was huddled against her best friend, not afraid, but startled. Eridan’s shouting didn’t stop. 

“You’re all a bunch of fuckers, you all know that!” he spat, whipping around to face the student body that encircled him. Teachers had been alerted and, although at the scene, stayed their distance. “Get lost! All of you! You’re all dead to me, all of you, all of you low-class, trashy fuckers!” 

The majority of the circle has disbanded at that point, and using their cowardice as an exit, Eridan ran from the scene. Nepeta called out to him, but her cries never reached his ears. His face was hot red, his vision was blurred, and the day that had seemed so gorgeous had been tainted by his profanities and hatred. He stumbled a bit, turning to enter his doorway, and as he lurched forward, he felt himself falling.

His glasses smashed as he hit the ground.  
\---

Now Everybody’s Singing  
\---

The following day presented itself in the same manner as it had before, but the air seemed thicker and quieter now. The river rushed and babbled as it would have any other day, but its echoes died as they left the stream. Silence had permeated the streets.

Eridan exited his house as though he were in mourning: quietly, orderly, and with his eyes fixated on the ground. A long scarf whipped behind him as a rush from the stream blew through the neighborhood. It was early that spring morning, and school was not for another hour, but he had planned to skip the bus ride and walk. Eridan breathed in sharply with a slow exhale, being sure to take in the freshness of the solemn air. Wind whipped through the streets again, and the trees seemed to bow as the boy walked through. He hiked his backpack up further on his shoulders and did no more than flinch as he passed by Feferi’s house. Today was not a day for memories, but it would be a day to remember. 

The school bell rang but Eridan was not in class. Rumors flew quickly from the mouths of students who’d witnessed his breakdown the day before: he’d killed himself, he’d been expelled, arrested, even. 

Despite the gossip, they remained unprepared. 

It was lunch period. The cafeteria was packed. Eridan made his way into the building, bypassing the attendance office. It was clear to him now that his existence didn’t matter, but he intended to mar the day with his presence. 

Cafeteria B was the smaller of the two cafeterias, housing the underclassman. Eridan’s lip twitched with rancor before he burst through the door, scarf trailing behind him like a funeral precession. His entrance startled no one but the few kids who he’d pushed pass upon opening the door. He shook his head. They weren’t listening and he needed their attention.

Eridan hated to waste bullets.

Two. He’d wasted two bullets on the ceiling, their shells clinking against the ground. 

“Where’s Fef?” grunted Eridan, relaxing the rifle a bit. His face was flat but underneath pumped both adrenaline and fear. Eridan had only ever shot a gun twice in his life and both times had been on hunting trips. Now he’d fired one twice and was aiming it at an entire student body. 

“Where is Feferi Peixes?” he breathed in sharply and rose the gun a bit. The students were trapped like cows in a slaughterhouse and Eridan would’ve thought they were just as dumb: mulling around instead of running. It was good for him, however, as it meant less ammo wasted and his time was being conserved.

Time.

It was of the essence. The police were undoubtedly on their way and Eridan had yet to receive an answer. “So are you all braindead an’ mute? I asked ya twice: where is Feferi?” Eridan aimed the rifle at one of the boys cowering on the ground. He looked him over. 

“So, do ya know where Fef is?” The rifle was against the boys’ forehead, pushing the skin down a bit with the muzzle. If this boy had been smart, he would’ve grabbed away the gun, or at least would’ve attempted to. But these students were mere feeble trash and killing them was almost below Eridan. The boy eventually pointed towards a table in the back of the cafeteria that had been flipped over. 

“A makeshift barrier, huh?” Eridan’s face winced but he brought a smile to it. Outside, he heard sirens. He needed to pick up the pace. As he made his way towards the back, students ran from the room. Eridan didn’t mind though- he’d come with a purpose and the bullets to fulfill the task. 

“Fef, Fef, Fef,” he muttered in an almost singsong voice. The table was soon pushed out of the way and did, in fact, reveal Feferi in all her cowardice. “Didn’t anybody eva’ tell ya’ not to play with a boy’s heart?” 

The rifle had been aimed, Eridan had made sure of that. What he had not accounted for, however, was the burly girl who’d slammed into him, knocking him down, almost forcing the gun out of his hands. It was Kanaya, a former friend. Her face showed no fear, only fury. 

Or it did, at least, for the few seconds she could control it, the seconds before her stomach was full of lead. Feferi remained on the ground and next to her fell Kanaya who wasn’t quite dead yet. She was innocuous now, at least, and Eridan could continue his plan. The whir of helicopters hardly stirred his expression. 

“Fef, ya’ really blew it. Ya’ could’ve gotten away just then. I always thought you were better than that, smarter than these sheep. Guess not, huh? Must feel pretty stupid now, gettin’ a belly full of lead.” 

The trigger seemed weightless, in fact, Eridan fired twice just to make sure. His clip ran empty after the shots, the bullet with his name on it had been used up on Kanaya. It was no matter, though, no matter at all. The police had already stormed the building. 

As Eridan became surrounded, he allowed himself the bliss of drifting away. He hadn’t gotten a good rest in days. And suddenly he was at home, a hazy yet familiar home, with a family and a girl and a degree. The police were shouting commands but Eridan wasn’t listening. He’d escaped, he’d done well. He was proud of himself. “Standin’ up for yourself by fallin’ down,” he laughed as his heart ripped in two for the second time. “Today’s been a real day to remember.”  
He made headlines for a month.


End file.
